“Should he reason with unprofitable talk? or with
speeches wherewith he can do no good?” - Job 15:3
Talk, no matter how well intentioned, can reach a
stage of uselessness—as far as we are concerned, that is. But most of us, for
one reason or another, cannot (or will not) acknowledge this. Because of the
real or perceived legitimacy of the argument, and/or because of our own
personal attachment, we talk on.
This verse in Job points out what should be obvious
to us, were we not so invested in the person to whom we are speaking and the
benevolence of our motives: There is only so much to be said to some people;
and it is possible to move beyond compassionate love and courage of conviction,
to possessiveness and a play for vindication. After awhile, we find ourselves
saying the same things, just louder and more caustically. As women, it is easy
to fall into this trap with husbands and older children. We may question their
judgments or choices, but until they are willing to question themselves, our
constant nagging is nothing more than “unprofitable talk” that does neither
them nor us any good.
As you get older, you realize you must choose your
battles carefully. We only have so much energy and breath to expend, and none
of us want to end up in the ignominious position of someone who is just beating
the air (1 Cor. 9:26). Worthy battles are always worth fighting, even to the
last breath; but sometimes, we need to change the field of battle. There
comes a time when we must put on our armor and face the real enemy in
the real battle, on the plains of prayer (Eph. 6:11-18).
The true secret of giving advice is, after you have
honestly given it, to be perfectly indifferent whether it is taken or not, and
never persist in trying to set people right. ------ Hannah Whitall Smith
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